The Brunch
by sapphicsap
Summary: Not sure if this is going to be a series of relatively unrelated chapters or if this one chapter will be all. For now, the one chapter is just a little story about Eleanor and Tahani going out to Brunch and some hilarity ensues.
1. Her Good Friend, Ed

"Eleanor... how would you feel about meeting a friend of mine?" Tahani inquired, watching the blonde pick the petals off a pink carnation on display. She crossed her arms and gave Eleanor a chastising look.

"A friend of yours?" Eleanor pretended to think about it, despite having already made up her mind the moment the question passed through Tahani's lips. Tahani's soft, pink, luscious, totally-not-chapped lips. Eleanor suddenly grew aware of her own rough and cracked lips and she wet them with her tongue. "A friend as in an actual friend? Or a friend as in someone like... I don't know, Brad Pitt?"

Tahani chuckled, "Oh, don't be silly! I haven't spoken to Brad since the famous Brangelina split! It would be rather _awkward_ for my good friend Angelina, you know. Though he has called me on occasion since then..."

"I'm sure," Eleanor commented flatly.

"Stop doing that," Tahani remarked, growing tired of watching the growing pile of petals collecting on the floor in front of Eleanor.

Eleanor let go of the latest flower she'd picked up, which only had three petals left on it, and stared at it.

"Well, go on then. You might as well finish the job," Tahani sighed, sensing Eleanor's annoyance at the three remaining petals. Secretly, they bothered her too.

"So you never answered my question. What friend?"

"Oh, I'm sure you don't know him," Tahani assured her.

"Try me."

"No, no. I wanted to surprise you," Tahani informed her brightly. "I invited him to brunch today."

"Brunch..." Eleanor allowed the word to roll off her tongue. "Never did like that word. Is it breakfast? Or lunch? Why do you have to say 'brunch?'"

"Would you rather I say bruncheon?" Tahani teased.

"Brunch is okay!" Eleanor perked up.

"Excellent. We'll be meeting him there in fifteen minutes. Until then, perhaps you could... clean some of that up?" Tahani hinted as she pointed to the multicolored heap of petals.

"That's what the cleaning people are for," Eleanor shrugged as she went to brush past Tahani, who took the opportunity to catch her hand. Eleanor looked up to see another scolding look from Tahani.

" _Eleanor_..."

" _Fine_..." the blonde sighed as she bent down to scoop the petals up. "But only because you're looking at me with those... _warm brown eyes_ of yours."

Tahani raised an eyebrow at Eleanor, who continued with her strangely poetic analogy.

"Those... eyes as _earthy_ _and rich as fresh soil._ Those... _pools of melted chocolate_ —"

"You had me until the chocolate cliché," Tahani interrupted her with a smirk and watched Eleanor throw the petals into a nearby trash bin.

"Alright, let's get to this brunch!" Eleanor declared, flinging the shop's door wide open. "Mama's hungry."

"Ms. al-Jamil?" the florist called out to her from behind a large floral arrangement that looked like it might be on its way to a funeral.

"Yes, Preston?"

"Which would you like?" he reminded her of the very task that brought her to the florist shop. "They're all fresh."

"In that case, I'll take them all. One of everything," Tahani answered simply. She paused before pointing to a pink carnation. "I want one of everything _except_ that one. Leave those out, please."

"One of everything—are you sure?"

"Yes—it's the most sure of anything I've been in a long time," Tahani nodded as she made a move to fill out a check. "What do I owe you?"

"Write the check upon delivery," Preston told her with a smile.

"Are you sure?"

"As if it'll bounce!" Preston exclaimed, and the two laughed at the idea of Tahani's affluence failing her.

"Oh, it was nice seeing you again, Preston..." she gushed. "Until next time, darling."

"When will that be, a few weeks?" he joked. "It seems like you're in here every few weeks now, buying flowers for that mysterious suitor that I have yet to meet."

Eleanor poked her head back in the shop and nodded at Tahani, motioning for her to hurry along.

"In due time, Preston!" Tahani assured him with a smile.

"That's what you said last time," he countered as Eleanor stepped back into the shop so she could take Tahani's hand and pull her toward the door. "See you both."

The two women looked back and waved at him as they left the shop.

"He's a little nosy..." Eleanor commented as they walked along the sidewalk.

"What makes you say that?" Tahani asked.

"He's always talking to you extra," Eleanor replied. "He never talks to me that long."

"You don't let him," Tahani suggested, her dress billowing in the breeze.

"No, it's because I'm me and you're you. And he's _him_."

"Pardon? I don't follow."

"I'm a regular girl off the street," Eleanor clarified. "But you could _buy_ the very street I walk on."

"Buy the very street on which you walk?" Tahani echoed. "Eleanor, don't be ridiculous. The real estate prices here aren't worth buying."

Eleanor gave her a look.

"Sorry. Continue."

"My point is, he knows you're loaded and that's why he talks to you."

"Oh, Eleanor—"

"It's fine, I don't want to talk to a snob like him anyway."

"Aren't you?" Tahani joked with a slight tinge of bitterness in her tone. She hoped it hadn't come off too strongly and that Eleanor hadn't picked up on it.

"Oh, Tahani... I didn't mean it like that... You're not—" Eleanor stopped herself, unsure of exactly how credible it would be for her to finish her statement about Tahani not being a snob. She was digging herself quite the ditch.

"I'm not what, Eleanor? A snob?" Tahani finished it for her. She wasn't angry or even upset. Hell, she was aware how she came off. Eleanor had every right to say that, even though she hadn't really said it. "Oh, it's all right, Eleanor. Besides, it's not like that. He just talks to me because we're friends. He's a f—"

"Famous florist, I know."

"I was just going to say the word florist," Tahani assured her. "He's a florist and so he comes to know his clients at their most personal moments. Think about it, Eleanor. When do people buy flowers? Weddings, funerals, proms, dates... and when they're in love as a just-because present for their significant other... how can you _not_ befriend your florist?"

"Hm... I never thought about it that way," Eleanor admitted. "So where's this brunch place at? I thought you said it was gonna be a short walk."

"Hm. Well, I suppose you and I have different definitions of short," Tahani shrugged with a teasing tone in her voice. "I should've factored in your much shorter legs."

"With legs like yours, the place is probably a hop, skip, and a jump," Eleanor agreed.

"Here we are," Tahani announced, stopping in front of a small café.

"This looks like a place for—" Eleanor stopped herself.

"Snobs?"

" _No_..." Eleanor paused. "I was gonna say... um... _nice_ people. A place for _nice_ people. A _good_ place."

"Oh yes," Tahani nodded. "Café des fleurs is very nice."

Eleanor couldn't help but notice Tahani's eyes do a full-body sweep over her, and it was in this moment that she regretted wearing her raggedy jeans and a faded t-shirt with a band logo that had since mostly rubbed off. Even when she'd bought it, she wasn't familiar with the band on the shirt. She just liked that it was a two-dollar t-shirt. She looked over at Tahani, who wore a beautiful floral dress that probably cost more than her own wardrobe in its entirety, closet space and all.

"After you," Eleanor mumbled, opening the door for Tahani. It wasn't that Eleanor was being courteous, she was just hoping that she'd be able to hide behind Tahani's nearly six-foot tall frame. In fact, in heels, Tahani was well over six feet. A gorgeous, six-foot-tall statue of perfection that constantly towered over Eleanor and blindfolded her with her long flowing dresses and silky curtain of hair.

"Thanks, Eleanor!" Tahani beamed and stepped through the café doors. Just as Eleanor had expected, several heads turned to see who'd just walked in, and she could've sworn that several others nodded in Tahani's direction. And the only reason she could see them was because her plan had failed and Tahani had moved, revealing the grubby, underdressed little gnome Eleanor felt she looked like.

"Tahani! Darling!" a waiter crooned. "Right this way."

Tahani and Eleanor followed the man to a secluded back room where there was a table set for three. Eleanor tried not to think about who Tahani's guest was or the fact that he was probably going to be as nicely dressed as everyone else, if not nicer. There was no hiding from him.

"Oh! He just texted me!" Tahani exclaimed, absentmindedly sitting down in the chair that the waiter had pulled out for her. Eleanor waited for him to come over and pull the chair out for her too, but he never did. "He'll be here within the next few minutes."

"Ciao!" the waiter bid Tahani—just Tahani—a farewell and left the room just as Eleanor sighed and pulled her own chair out and sat down.

"Ciao..." Tahani distractedly called after him, still reading the text on her phone. After a moment, she put her phone away and turned to Eleanor. "I'm going to go freshen up."

Eleanor nodded and watched Tahani rise from her seat at the table and leave for the bathroom. Almost on cue, a man with red hair and a matching beard walked through. Eleanor had to do a double take before it really registered that none other than Ed Sheeran had walked through the door. He took one glance at her and jumped.

Eleanor felt her face grow hot and she averted her gaze. Unbeknownst to Tahani, Eleanor and Ed had actually encountered each other before at one of his concerts. Eleanor had gotten blackout drunk and managed to make it all the the way onstage before beginning a drunken rant about how his music sucked. Her rant was short-lived, however, as his bodyguards tackled her within a few moments of her gaining access. It was rather surprising to her that Tahani didn't know about it; the video had gone viral for weeks afterwards. There had been remixes of the whole situation and everything. Eleanor's favorite remix had edited laser beams coming out of her eyes that burned Ed Sheeran in time with every insult she managed to spew out before the tackle. That version had 2.5 million views—and counting. However, in Tahani's defense, she tended to avoid the Internet in case she accidentally stumbled upon literally anything pertaining to her sister, Kamilah.

"I'm sorry," Ed mumbled his apology. "I must have the wrong room."

He turned to leave, but Tahani appeared in the doorway and blocked his way out.

"Ed! Darling!"

"Oh! Hello," he greeted her, still eyeing Eleanor cautiously.

"Come. Sit," Tahani nodded toward the table. Ed hesitantly followed her and sat down at the table, adjusting his chair so that it maximized the distance between Eleanor and him. "Ed, this is Eleanor. Eleanor, this is... oh, well you know who he is. Who doesn't?"

Tahani chuckled alone as her two guests shared a look. Tahani picked up on the tension and stopped chuckling abruptly and cleared her throat. She opened her mouth to speak, but the waiter came in and beckoned for her. Relieved at the distraction, Tahani scooted out of her chair and left the two guests alone once again.

"Listen, Ed Sheeran..." Eleanor began. "I was drunk..."

"I could tell," he admitted. "It's okay, I know you didn't mean it."

Eleanor's eyebrows shot up, and her mouth was left open, dumbfounded. Of course she'd meant it when she said his music 'fucking rotted worse than decomposing body of his grandmother'. She just hadn't mean to be so rude about it. Besides, she didn't even know if either of his grandmothers were actually dead or not.

"Ed Sheeran—" Eleanor began.

"Please. Call me Ed," he offered. But despite the offer, Eleanor still didn't feel right not addressing him with his full name.

"Ed Sheeran... we have our differences," Eleanor started over. "But despite them, I am truly sorry that I did that."

"I'm sure you are," he nodded. "Did you see the video where you grew pointy teeth that came popping out of your mouth every time you insulted me?"

"Yeah."

"That's so—" Ed and Eleanor both began at the same time.

"—funny," Eleanor finished.

"— _embarrassing_ ," Ed concluded.

They glanced at each other upon realizing their statements' disconnect. When Eleanor opened her mouth to speak again, Tahani returned through the door, and Eleanor thought better of it. Instead, Eleanor took a sip of her ice water.

"They just wanted to go over the vegetarian options," Tahani informed them just as Eleanor was setting her glass down. "So what have you two been talking about?"

"Ed Sheeran says he saw a funny video on the Internet recently," Eleanor answered quickly. "Isn't that right, Ed Sheeran?"

"Yeah," Ed nodded. "Cats getting brain freeze. Gotta love 'em."

"I can't say I've seen that one," Tahani thought aloud.

"You probably wouldn't have," Eleanor agreed. She made a mental note to check cats getting brain freeze out later. An awkward silence settled between the three of them.

"Let's do an icebreaker," Tahani decided, growing anxious from the silence. "We can Google search each other's names and see what comes up. Ed can Google my name, Eleanor can Google Ed's name, and I'll Google Eleanor."

Tahani winked at Eleanor just after her last statement, and Eleanor smirked back at her.

"Just as a warning, mine are probably all going to be arrest records," Eleanor joked as she typed in Ed Sheeran.

"And mine are gonna be music records," Ed piped in, adding a pun. He scrolled through the search results he'd gotten after searching Tahani's name.

"Mine will likely be tax records... I give a lot to charity, you know," Tahani hummed, scrolling through her Google search results about Eleanor.

"Alright..." Eleanor trailed off as she scanned her search results. "' _Rolling in the money: Adele beats Ed Sheeran to top young, rich list_.'"

"That's fair," he shrugged.

"' _Ed Sheeran to auction off his underwear_ ,'" Eleanor continued with a puzzled look on her face.

"For charity," Ed explained.

"That's fair," she nodded, still scrolling. "' _Ed Sheeran paid more tax last year than Starbucks and Amazon_.'"

"It's only right," he remarked.

"You're a stand-up guy, Ed Sheeran."

"Okay..." Ed murmured, already skimming the headlines of his search. "It says ' _Tahani al-Jamil spotted bareface; Kamilah, launches her own make-up line_.'"

Tahani's gaze flicked over to Ed as she tried to contain her annoyance at the portrayal of herself versus her sister.

"' _Kamilah spent the weekend volunteering at a soup kitchen while Tahani al-Jamil, her sister, stayed home_ ,'" Ed continued, still scrolling.

"I had the _flu!_ " Tahani protested shrilly as Ed began desperately looking for a more redeeming headline. "And even then, I _still_ tried to go! But they didn't want me infecting the people there. They can't _afford_ to be sick, apparently."

"Ah," he nodded, certain that he'd found one. "' _Tahani al-Jamil, Kamilah's lesser-known sister, donated six billion to charity last year; Kamilah donated two billion_ —'"

" _Ha!_ " Tahani burst out before regaining her composure.

"'— _to six different charities... each_ ,'" Ed finished with an uncomfortable expression on his face. A beat of silence.

"Well that's enough of that," Tahani muttered, crestfallen.

"I agree," Eleanor nodded, a little too eager to move on before the Google search of her name was read aloud. Despite her remark about it mostly consisting of arrests, she was sure it would mostly be the different remixed versions of her drunken onstage speech at that Ed Sheeran concert.

"Oh, Eleanor..." Tahani shook her head. "Yours can't be nearly as bad."

"You wanna make that bet?" Eleanor meekly argued. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ed stifle a chuckle. And much to her horror, Tahani raised her phone to read the headlines. Tahani cleated her throat, preparing to unwittingly humiliate Eleanor. Without thinking, Eleanor picked up her glass of water and tossed it at the phone in Tahani's hand. A half-soaked Tahani looked up at Eleanor with both disbelief and pure shock, and all Eleanor could offer was her version of a weak apology. "Oops... kinda jumped outta my hand there."

"That's... quite alright," Tahani managed to keep her cool as she daintily dabbed at herself with a napkin. She then proceeded to pull another phone out of her purse. "I have a backup—as in it's literally backed up to my main phone. It mirrors everything I do on on there. You know, in case anything like this happens, I'm all caught up."

"I didn't even know phones could _do_ that!" Eleanor feigned amazement, but even still her voice had a hint of bitterness to it.

"Most don't," Tahani grinned. "But mine does. It's just a favor I asked of my good friend Steve. I'm sure you know of Mr. Jobs?"

"Most do," Eleanor sighed. A moment later, Ed's phone rang, and he excused himself to go take the call.

"Eleanor, I thought I was doing you a favor," Tahani whispered. "Inviting you out to brunch with Ed Sheeran. I remembered that you went to one of his concerts a few months ago, and so I thought that you liked his music. I didn't know you thought that his music _effing-rotted-worse-than-the-decomposing-corpse-of-his-grandmother_."

"Uh... I only went because I felt like getting drunk that night, and I thought it would be fun to do it at a concert with my friends," Eleanor confessed.

"The poor man is probably completely embarrassed that I even invited you!—No offense," Tahani quickly added.

"None taken. I'm equally embarrassed."

"I'm going to have to apologize to him!" Tahani exclaimed.

"What about me?" Eleanor asked.

"No offense, Eleanor, but just think of this as the consequence for humiliating him on stage that way."

"I humiliated _myself_ that day. That _was_ my immediate consequence, I don't need another one!" Eleanor protested.

"You actually kind of do, though, because you seem to enjoy your five minutes of fame that you got from all the remixes of the original video of your drunken rant," Tahani pointed out with a hint of a smile.

"Okay, yes, admittedly, I did enjoy my five minutes of fame..." Eleanor nodded. "But... you're _also_ smiling, so you must've gotten some kind of satisfaction out of it too."

"You're right... I did," Tahani shrugged. "You managed to take the morning headlines instead of my sister, who shall not be named. I commend you for that, even though you did that unwittingly. I do think that that's quite a feat, as I have _never_ managed to top my own sister myself. So... thank you for that... satisfaction. It's _almost_ as much satisfaction as I would've gotten had I done it myself. _Almost_ as much."

"Hello, girls..." Ed greeted them upon his return. "Sorry about that."

"No, Ed, I'm sorry," Tahani responded. "For organizing this whole uncomfortable brunch. I didn't realize you two had a history. And a bad one, at that. I had no idea."

"It's something to laugh about later," he assured her with a forgiving smile. "It's fine."

"I suppose we could take this golden opportunity to achieve some closure..." Tahani remarked as she set her phone down on the table. "Eleanor, you can say you're sorry to Ed, and I can also say I'm sorry to Ed. And then I can also say I'm sorry to Eleanor because I mistook her for a fan of Ed—no offense, Ed—and Ed, you can just sit back and accept all the apologies offered to you because, as usual, you have done nothing wrong."

"Well, I don't really need those apologies, girls..." he told them kindly. "But if it means that much to you, you must know Eleanor already apologized while you were looking over the vegetarian options. And as I said before, I don't really need an apology. You didn't know."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course."

"Oh, you're so gracious. Eleanor, you really should learn to be more like him.

"Yeah... I'll remember that..." Eleanor answered flatly.

"Well, Ed. It was nice seeing you again. We'll have to do this again sometime, without Eleanor. No offense, Eleanor," Tahani offered her a smile.

"None taken," Eleanor responded. "I'll honestly look forward to not going. You know, because I don't like h—"

"Well, I'll see you next time we're in the same city," Ed remarked with a wave. "And don't worry, I've got the bill."

"Oh, Ed..." Tahani shook her head in protest. "You've paid dearly as it is."

"Don't worry about it," he repeated. "I'll see you girls later."

Eleanor waited until he was out of earshot before saying, "Tahani, next time you want to surprise me or give me a celebrity... give me a heads up. So that I'm not underdressed and so I can tell you if anything has gone down between us in a negative or positive sense."

"No offense, Eleanor... but I highly doubt any positive things have happened between you and a celebrity."

"Not true," Eleanor shook her head. "One time I tweeted Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson that I, too, could move my pecs like he does, and then I tweeted him a video of me just manually slapping my tits around with my hands. And then The Rock liked it. He didn't retweet it, but he liked it, and that's enough for me. I'd say that's a pretty positive interaction, wouldn't you?"

Tahani groaned and face-palmed herself as she said, "Now I can never face Dwayne again! Not only has he seen your breasts, but now he's seen them in action!"

"Okay..." Eleanor scoffed. "Big deal. So have you. And, if I recall, you didn't complain."

"That's different, Eleanor! I'm. Not. The Internet. Or Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson!"

"Well, I mean... you could be. What are you, a couple inches short? A few hundred pounds too light? It's fine."

"It's not fine!"

"Are you jealous?" Eleanor joked facetiously.

"I'm not jealous! I just can't fathom why you would Tweet your boobs publicly!"

"Oh, honestly, Tahani... I have had so much worse things on my Twitter account. The boobs are G-rated in comparison to some of the other internet shenanigans I've gotten into in the past."

"Eleanor, I really don't want to know..."

"Fine. Then I won't tell you about the time I roasted your sister on Twitter and ended up getting into a spat with about forty of her fan girls."

"Well... I suppose you could tell me that one..."

"Just so you know, it got me blocked by Kamilah herself. Her very own, verified account," Eleanor declared. "But that... is another story."


	2. Concert Tickets

"So... Tahani... you've been shopping online a lot lately..." Eleanor casually mentioned.

"Do you have a problem with it?" Tahani asked, sincerely concerned. "I- I'm almost done... Honest."

"You _did_ say that a few hours ago..." Eleanor replied flatly. " _Yesterday_..."

"Yes, well, the internet connection is rather slow and... I'm having issues loading things, but... other than that, I will be done. I promise. Today is definitely the day."

"What're you, uh, buying anyway?"

"Oh, I'm buying concert tickets."

"Concert tickets?" Eleanor inquired, suddenly interested. "Who are we going to see!?"

"Oh, um... We're not going to see anyone, I'm just buying the tickets," Tahani clarified.

"For... _other_ _people_?" Eleanor wondered aloud, scrunching up her nose in confusion.

"In a way, yes... I'm buying tickets in the place of other people," Tahani responded carefully.

"Why did you say it like _that_?" Eleanor asked, immediately picking up on Tahani's feigned innocence. She decided to press the woman. " _Tahani_... What are you doing...?"

"I am buying _tickets_. I _told_ you that."

"Okay, but why're you being so weird about buying tickets?" Eleanor insisted before grabbing at Tahani's laptop. "Lemme see that."

"No! Get your hands off my computer!" Tahani protested, but the short blonde woman managed to wrench the latest Swarovski and Diamond studded notebook (that was probably worth 100 times more than her whole life up this very moment—savings, material possessions, and all) free from Tahani's perfectly manicured hands.

"You're buying tickets to see your _SISTER_!?!" Eleanor shrieked with surprise. " _KAMILAH_???"

Tahani put her hands on her hips with annoyance as Eleanor's blue eyes scanned the laptop's screen.

"I pegged you wrong... I thought you would never see her as long as you live."

"I am _not_ going to see her," Tahani assured her adamantly. "Didn't you hear what I just said? We are _not_ going to see anyone! We're staying _in_."

"So what're you doing with all the tickets?" Eleanor asked suspiciously. "Givin' 'em to charity? Why would you wanna torture poor people by having them go see your sister? Haven't they been through enough? Or are you trying to torture your sister by showing her poor people?"

" _Eleanor_..." Tahani exhaled with exasperation as she reached for her laptop back, and Eleanor willingly returned it to Tahani. "There are things in this world that... you would never understand."

"Umm... I'm _pretty_ sure that I have a pretty solid grasp on being petty, so... _Try_ me."

"I am _not_ being petty."

"Oh yeah? Then why're you buying the concert tickets?"

Tahani sighed with resignation.

"I'm buying the concert tickets so that Kamilah literally has _no one_ inside the performing area with her. All two hundred seats of the front rows and up are going to be _empty_ because _I_ bought them."

"How much money did you _spend_?" Eleanor incredulously inquired. Her tone carried a hint of amazement.

"I don't care. The entire front area is going to be empty, and she is going to have to remember that for the _rest_ of her life," Tahani declared flippantly. "The _rest_ of her _life_."

" _Tahani_..." Eleanor began. It sounded like the opening to a scolding. Instead, Eleanor surprised Tahani with a smile as she said, "I _knew_ liked you. You are as petty as I would be if I actually _had_ the funds to sustain myself and feed the petty monster. I have to give you props. That's impressive. I never would've thought of that in a thousand years. I really respect you now."

"I thought you respected me before..."

"I did," Eleanor shrugged. "But I respect you even _more_ now."

"Please don't tell the others."

"Oh, of _course_ not," Eleanor assured her. She stepped closer to Tahani and lowered her volume. "But... just to feed my curiosity... How much money _did_ you spend?"

"Well... there are... two hundred seats, and the very front ones cost at _least_ eight hundred dollars, so if you want to use that as the base price even though it's not... I would say about... 160,000 dollars?" Tahani guessed.

" _160,000 dollars_!?" Eleanor exclaimed. "For the sake of being _petty_? I _love_ you."

"Thanks, Eleanor..." Tahani replied. "You make me feel like I'm not doing a bad thing."

"You know... It's funny how many times I've heard that in my lifetime," Eleanor paused and then added, "It's a first coming from you, though."

"I'm so glad... hopefully it'll be the last."

"That's funny, I was thinking the opposite. Hopefully I get to hear that many, many more times from you," Eleanor admitted as she turned to leave. "Carry on. I'm going to go get a snack."


End file.
